Been too long, but that was a long time ago. I am still missing you.

This post is something that I have been debating in my mind how or should I write an update. It has been so long since I  blogged anything, you can hardly call what I write a blog. It isn't even a diary or log. I know I told myself in 2013 I would not wait for three years to make an update. I tell myself that it won't be so long next time. 


I start a new place in life tomorrow. I am making the transition from student to learning how to teach. And more specifically, learning how to teach the most vulnerable children in our schools. My interaction with these children has the possibility of being one of the first "teacher" in their school experience. I want to be the kind of teacher that when the child goes home they are telling what we've done and what they experienced that day. I want them to be excited about coming in the door in the mornings. 

Tomorrow, I begin a new day. I am (a) Reddie! Goofy, I know.





I am still missing him
it's hard. 
I know his friends have finished elementary school and
they are preparing for Jr. High 
sports and all.

I am still missing him
it's hard.

Ignoring the need to write........

It has been months since I have placed anything onto paper.  This is not entirely true, I have figured bills, written session notes and Sunday School lessons... I guess I am either a fiction writer or a liar. What I am trying to say is I have ignored the craft of writing.  The pure joy of taking whatever is running around in my brain and putting words in some organized fashion to get the thought out into the universe.  AHHH words!  

Another story from my Great Grandmother.   The year is about 1893.    

The Doctor

      Life had not been easy for the Boyt family.  Papa had been very sick.   He had been treated by a doctor, but the doctor could not save him.  When he died he was only 35.   This man who had hunted and fished to provide meat for his family was gone.  

     There was no money to pay the doctor.  So with a yard full of kids, Momma watched as the doctor came and took everything this widow with seven children to feed had except for two mules, a plow, a feather bed and an oil lamp.

     With the help of John and Henry, the Mother became the Father.  And Maude at the age of 12 became the Mother.  There would be no more formal school for her, there were too many babies to watch.  Eggs were gathered and bartered in town for the food they could not grow.  It was on one of these days when their Mother had gone to trade eggs for flour that this story takes place.

Chicken and Dumplings

     Now, you must remember that when Momma left there was a yard full of children.  And children, being as they are, have a way of getting into things that they shouldn't.  There really isn't anything new under the sun.  

     On this particular day, the children were running through the house and one of the boys ended up knocking the oil lamp off its high perch.   There it lay on the floor.  Busted.  Oh, the dread that filled these children.   They had so few earthly possessions and this being something as precious as light for the night, gone.  Busted.  They were sick.  

     How could they face their mother?  How could they have been so careless?  And as children are oft want to do, they contrived a story.  It went like this:  The old hen had gotten in the house and flew about knocking the lamp to the floor.  It was dreadful, this story, as they recounted their tale to their weary Mother.

     She went straight out to the yard and caught up this laying hen.  Wrung her neck.  Dressed her and put her in a pot.  Using some of the flour this bird had provided with her eggs, she made dumplings.  

     Here it would do the reader good to remember that meat had not been in their diet since Poppa died.  And chicken and dumplings under any other circumstances would have been a divine meal.  But this evening, as the widow and her seven children sat down to supper, hardly a whisper could be heard.  The children children choked down that poor innocent hen that their careless play and lie had doomed to die.

     

Monday Mourning turns to Monday Miracles!

I really think I would do a disservice in telling this story if I hesitate writing any longer "to collect my thoughts" as I start to share this Monday morning with you. 

I want you to know this first and foremost:  I do not go to Aiden's grave everyday or even every week any more.  I know HE is not there.  He is at rest with his Heavenly Father.  But this is a fact too, as the one year anniversary of his death gets closer I am finding myself in a deeper grief.  The sobbing doesn't happen every night when I lay down anymore.  And I thank God for this.  But the ache of missing him, of wanting to hold him close is greater (if possible) now than in the recent months past.  

I was standing there, talking to God, sobbing.  I guess the best word was anguish.  That was the word that kept coming to me.  I felt compelled, literally, to read some verses from the Bible.  I have two different apps on my phone that are icons:  BLB (Blue Line Bible) and the Holy Bible.  I could find neither one this morning.  But my iPhone Kindle app was there and I knew I had more than one Bible version on it, so I opened my Kindle app and the books were in alphabetical order so I opened the amplified Bible.  These were the words that appeared on my screen:

 

There it was, in black and white. Not sorrow or mourning, but ANGUISH, the exact word that was echoing in my head.  And friend, I am here to tell you, I do not believe in happenstance or coincidence or luck.  God is an on time God.  He cares for me!  He sent me this comforting message this morning... neither shall ther be anguish!  nor grief!  Praise God!!! Doesn't it make you want to shout?  I know I did!  and I did!  and I laughed. 

See, HE WHO is seated on the throne is the I AM who sent Moses, and the one who stood as a Lamb slain before the foundations of the world..... HE SAID THESE SAYINGS WERE ACCURATE!!!!! TRUE!!!! He is The Way, The Truth and The Life and no man comes to the Father but by HIM!  He is the Alpha and Omega!  And friend, He stands waiting to enter your life and your heart, just ask him, confess your sins and He will be your Savior.  He is love.  He is Lord.  He is Risen from the grave!!!!  And He is coming again.  

Be ready.  

ps.  Judy Haynes, our God even gives us on time texts.... :) 

Thoughts

Tuesday night.  The weather man is saying there could be ice.  Or not.  This makes me think about how we don't know what tomorrow holds.  I want to share a thought with you, while we don't know what tomorrow holds friend, we do know who holds tomorrow.  Yes, some of you will call to mind a song from a hymnal.  But some of you, I am so afraid, will read this skeptically and think that I am being over simplistic.  Bear with me, okay....

 Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth and the life.  No man comes to the Father but by me."   (John 14:6) We are also told in Hebrews 11:6 that without faith it is impossible to please God.  Again in Hebrews 12:2 "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."  Praise the Lord! 

So, I beg you, if you haven't already put your faith in this Jesus, please do so now.  I know that his grace is sufficient.  There is nothing that you can have ever done or could ever do that grace cannot cover.  Know Jesus and know truth.

Yours in love and Christ

Valentine Postings

Today, I walked out to the edge of the woods and saw evidence of rebirth.  There were shoots of bright green breaking out of the brown winter dormancy.  There were little fairy flowers of purple, blue and white.  Then sun was still above the trees, though setting fast and I saw evidence of new buds.  I felt small.  I looked up into the blue sky and wondered how can I explain this to you, the ones reading this, without sounding like a crazy woman shy of a load... and I decided I probably can't and it probably doesn't matter.

I felt the wind.  And I wondered about the ministering angels that God has sent for me, as I am one who inherited His salvation? (Hebrews 1:14)  I thanked God for these same angels that were there to carry Aiden through the heavenlies.  I imagined his eyes wide with amazement as he saw things that no one has seen that is here on this earth.  I know he wasn't afraid, I know he knew where he was going.  He was going to live with his eternal heavenly Father.  I can imagine the strength, the kindness these angels had.  I imagine that as they came to the Father, these very same angels placing him on the lap of this most wonderful God.  I am so thankful that just as these angels were there to minister and carry Aiden, so too were there angels taking care of Dewey.  

And when I was thinking about this, I too thought about the fact that I am enjoying creation, but glory to God, Aiden is in the presence of the Creator!  Just think, to see where sin has never been.  Just think.  

So on this Valentines day, I took a stick and in the dirt I drew a heart and put a big A there.  And I asked God to please tell Aiden he is still my first grandchild valentine.  And one day I will be there with him.  Because this world is not my home, I am a stranger looking for a city.
Meme

Focus on What is Important

When I focus on what I don't have I lose sight of what I do have

This afternoon I was almost in the midst of having a huge pity party.  You know the kind where I start listing all the things I will never have, a Golden Anniversary, long legs, thin thighs, room for a grand piano... and I turned on the stereo to start listening to the CD for choir practice and low and behold I heard the words about disappointments being blessings in disguise.  And Lord, you know what?  I have so very much.  More than that, I have an inheritance to share with the Lord of creation!  I am a promised joint heir with Christ.  What do I have in this life to be disappointed about?  Really?  

Sure I miss Aiden to the point of being breathless at times.  I don't understand why he died.  I know with assurance that not only does the promise of being a joint heir mean riches untold, it means that in the resurrection morning I will not only see my Lord and Saviour but I will be reunited with my precious Aiden to live in eternity, never to be disappointed or sad again!  WOW!  

So this afternoon, while the sun plays warm and comforting on my hands as I type on this keyboard, I do not want to waste the time looking inside what this world does not hold, but I want to look outward and forward to the promises that are mine to claim.  This world is not my home, I am a part of  those pilgrims, who are searching for a city built on a hill.  

God is good.  All the time.

Psalm 143:6 NIV 84

"I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts like a parched land."

Phillipians 4: 4,5 HCSB

"Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again:  Rejoice!  Let your graciousness be known to everyone.  The Lord is near."

The Panther

I don't have a sister, but I lived and was introduced to "sisterhood" with my Great old Granny, Mary O and her sister, Minnie.  The bonds were born in Louisiana and the road to Alex was how it was maintained.  Many hours were spent looking out the window of the car as my Mother sped down the highway, my grandmother led the singing as the front seat passenger.  I was in the back with my great grandmother.  There was much wisdom passed to me, but these trips into the swamps of Louisiana were where life stories were told.  And when they were first told to me they were almost one hundred years old.

I read the highway signs.  And every time at Homer, I would be told, there lies my first born, still born.  No name.  No grave marker.  And every time a song was sung.  Precious.  Memories.

The women in my family sing.  The men too.  Our ancestors sang, Uncle Henry said we just sing because we have to.  He knew this because he had a song too.  He sang as a child with his sister Mary.,  She was two years older than he was. 

They were children of farmers.  Cotton was the main crop.  Theirs were the hands that picked the fields.  This story happened on one of those hot sultry summer days.

The Panther    1891

For the ones picking cotton, the field promised three things:  hot feet, bleeding fingers and and aching back.  You had a cotton sack that you dragged as you filled it with cotton.  You knew going out that you best be ready to work hard and fast.  You knew going out to the field that the youngest kids would get the short rows.  When you were ten, like Mary O, you knew you better run fast and lay claim to a good row or you'd have no chance to go cool off in Big Creek because you'd be picking cotton all day long. 

Between the house and the cotton field lay Big Creek. And a foot log.  Now, I don't know how much you know about a foot log, but it was described this way to me.  A tree was fell along the bank to lay across the creek so your feet wouldn't get wet getting to the other side.  The limbs were cut away and chopped up to use in the cook stove.

As she ran that day, Mary saw the sun playing shadows through the brances of the trees and the
Spanish moss that hung from these trees.  It was going to be a hot day.  She ran all out.  Her feet barely landed on the foot olg and she arrived with her brothers and sisters calling out, "This row is mine.  This row is mine."

Suddenly, jast as she saw her mother coming up to the edge of the field, a frightful scream that sounded like a woman in the woods pierced the air.  Her Momma yelled, "hush children!".  Just then the second cream filled that morning with a fright that Mary had never before known.

"Run children, run!  Don't look back!  It's a panther!  Run!", her Momma's voice filled the quiet with a controlled panic and command.  Mary knew she meant business. Mary made a mental note of the younger ones and put them ahead of her, picking up and carrying the ones that couldn't run fast enough.  She and Henry took off.  John and Willie were ahead.  Momma followed.

Then she saw it.  Black, sleek and powerful, the panther showed itself from the woods.  Threatening death to anyone it pounced on.  Women and children were helpless to fight off an attack.  And there was nothing to fight with in the cotton field.

John, Willie, Alma, Henry, Minnie, Momma, oh Lord please gut us home.  Mary prayed for swift feet, for sure feet.  Lord, please get us across that footlog.  Oh please God don't let that panther eat Momma.

She could hear her Momma behind her.  "Don't look back."  "Run."  How odd to find comfort in hearing these words, though they were uttered in fear.  It meant Momma was alive and God was near.

Oh be careful of the foot log.  Don't close your eyes.  Don't look down.  You gotta watch ahead and don't slow down.  Now she could hear the panther in the woods, still chasing them.

Running.  Blood pounding in her ears.  Heart about to explode in her chest.  Oh, Lord, thank you.  The house.  Safety.

I hear Momma.

We are still alive.

The cotton would be picked tomorrow.  God was gonna be praised and thanked tonight.